MY PERSONAL LIFE EXPERIENCE 5
MyPersonal Life Experience
MyPersonal Life Experience
Confidenceis the sentiment that makes you believe that you are able to do theimpossible. It makes you believe that no matter what, you willsucceed. It is the belief that despite your flawed image, you are thebest that you possibly can be. It is the feeling that in my wholesixteen years, I have never truly grasped.
AsI peered into the mirror, every morning with some sort of pathetichope that I would wake up without the hatred I so strongly felt formy appearance, the dread of knowing that I could never look likeother teenage friends I had worshipped in fashion magazines. I foundmyself once again full of hatred and resentment for the world, As Ianalyzed each and every flaw upon my body, I could hear the criticalvoice of society within me, I was not good enough. I was not stickthin, I did not have that slim body that young adolescent girls woulddie for, I could never be what I had grown up to believe was ‘normal’weight. When teachers taught about obesity, the whole class wouldlook at me and laugh. I was the boy nicknamed African elephant. Isometimes wish I could disappear to some place where I could be aloneand have a piece of mind for once (Joseph, 2013).
Myblue eyes peeped through a mane of curly red hair, my pallid skindotted with freckles added to my lack of self-esteem. The paranoia ofmy image ate inside of me until I could hardly bring myself to talkin front of an audience of more than one. I viewed the world as if itwas filled with judgmental people, people who would view me as what Iviewed myself. As I spoke, my squeaky quiet voice would catch theattention of my peers, who failed to understand my lack in confidenceand so, I found myself alone, alone in this feeling of hatred for myappearance when everyone around me in my eyes were perfect (Joseph,2013).
Ibecame lost in my idolization of young men portrayed in social mediaas ‘perfect,` I strived to look and be like what I had worshippedfrom a very young age, I had no ambition but to be what I had alwaysthought was normal. I had only ever wanted to be normal, likeeveryone else. I felt abnormal, I saw myself as an outcast in a worldwhere I was surrounded by perfection and as I looked in the mirror, Idid not see myself, I saw something which I hated, I saw that what Ihad become in my obsession for perfection. I lacked so muchself-esteem and confidence that it was a daily struggle to go toschool, to catch the bus, to go shopping, the simplicity of everydaylife had become a struggle for me as I felt that everyone was lookingat me, judging my every movement (Joseph, 2013).
Luckily,my parents noticed my withdrawal before it worsened. I never admittedthat I other students were bullying me at school. I felt that allthat was happening due to my fault. After my school performancestarted deteriorating, my parents took me to seek professionalintervention from a psychiatrist. The society had portrayed thatpeople become overweight due to their “huge appetite” which Ifound out that it was not the case. I discovered that a person couldbecome obese due to genetic inheritance (Joseph, 2013).
Atrue friend of mine called Anthony was always there for me. Wheneverother students bullied me, he would stand up for me and discouragethe ill conduct. He encouraged me to socialize and forget about myappearance. In addition, he would invite me to practice aerobics athis older brother’s gym. That was a turning point of my lifebecause his brother was a very good gym instructor. After I found outthat I was losing a few pounds, I took the workout sessions moreseriously hoping to lose more weight. However, at some point I couldnot see significant results (Joseph, 2013).
AsI grew older, I came to realize that I should be proud of myselfpeople began to pay me compliments, something that I had neverexperienced before. My confidence grew and I finally began to acceptmy appearance. Another person in my life who had always been therefor me and made sure to boost my confidence was my Grandfather. Notonly is he my relative, but also my best friend. He gives me theconfidence to actually achieve something and believe in myself. Hegives me the confidence to stand in front of a mirror and acceptmyself fully. My grandfather is my influence in life and I wouldtruly be lost without him (Joseph, 2013).
Lookingback, I can happily say that I accept who I am, I am truly happy withmy life and through my journey of lacking in confidence, I havelearned that not only is the media’s portrayal of normal weightmisconstrued but my idea of normality was also very wrong. ‘Normal’cannot be defined. Although, I will always be a huge person, I cangladly say that I now have the confidence and ability within myselfto achieve.
Joseph,J. (2013). Personalexperience effect: Big brand theory applied to personal life.S.l.: Happy About.